Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
