So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
