Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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