hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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