Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
