i jhust puked up my retainher.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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