my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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