Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
