Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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