toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
two words...techno handjob
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
