As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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