Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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