Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
