so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
