smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
