Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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