Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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