I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
