God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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