then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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