When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize