I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
