I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
