So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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