meet me or not, i'm out of control
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize