I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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