Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think my moral compass just broke
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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