I hate your face
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
