So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize