oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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