I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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