these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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