It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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