Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
