btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He literally asked permission to hit on me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
