Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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