I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
