Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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