He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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