I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
