just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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