Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you didnt know i had herpes?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
