Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
