Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
