I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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