I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
