I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize