he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
