'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
