I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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