We're facebook friends in real life
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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