He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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