I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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