i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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