i permit you to call me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
