I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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