Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
