It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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