College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
