This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
