if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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