I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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