chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
