And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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