i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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