I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
