Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize