I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
