Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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