somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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