so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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