I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
