i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
