Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
