There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
