I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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