I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this boner is exhausting
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
