His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize