Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
