So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Randomize
