I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Enjoy the penises
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
