The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
