I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
