I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
