My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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