Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
