yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
