Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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