And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
