I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
