hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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