I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
