They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
