evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
