My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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