Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this is an emotional support booty call
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize