I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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