I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
