WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
