He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
