She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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